Oh, the insanity!

:-O

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 22:39:55 GMT

A very eventful few days, but now I wish I actually had some time to relax...like that's going to happen.

The Extravaganza on Friday night was lovely, though it left me (very oddly) feeling uncomfortable and pondering my increasingly present inferiority complex. Strange, I know. It's probably a bit sad that I let other people's accomplishments make me feel inferior and get uncomfortable if people call attention to my own. Meh. Who knows.

The rest of the weekend was fun, but yesterday's goodbye lunch for Mrs. Warren was really special. I don't think it could have possibly gone better than it did, I had a genuinely great time (no tears!) We went to "tea" and then had a picnic at this gorgeous park in Peekskill. It was such a pleasant place, and we were able to just have fun and not think about saying goodbye, but at the same time recount all our memories and laugh about them. I know everyone told me high school would go by quickly but god! We were singing stuff from Footloose from ninth grade and it felt like it was last week! We had so much fun, it felt really good to be able to do that and not be sad about it. There's so much I could say about yesterday, but....I think I'll just keep it to myself....It was very memorable...I hope it was so for everyone present....

Today was the "round table" discussion with the superintendent, Dr. Wills, about the new teacher(s) being hired next year for chorus, drama, dance, etc. It was amazingly productive and she was so eager to hear what we had to say. She was really sympathetic to all of us, but especially the seniors (can't get used to the fact that that is me), which made me happy (sorry juniors). I've decided to be really optimistic about next year, otherwise it will be impossible. It's an oppurtunity, really. We'll be in a position of greater leadership and responsibility. Like we'll be able to handle that with college apps and stuff...hehehe...well, still. Optimisim!!! :-)

US History sucks. Physics will almost certainly cause my demise. I'd better study.

Meh

Fri, 17 Jun 2005 03:01:31 GMT

Right now it would be good if:

-School were completely over (finals and all...stupid physics regents and that nagging feeling that tells me to study...)
-I were on vacation. I'd take Tahiti. Bahamas would be nice. I'm feeling very Caribbean-tropical-ish.
-I were not perpetually out of gas and out of money so i could go someplace or do something fun
-I did not have any work to do this summer
-College applications were not so frighteningly soon
-I didn't feel so horribly unsure about everything in the future...you know what I mean...I'm just being cryptic. I still feel...weird...there isn't a right word for this. That's ironic. Very, very, ironic.

Right now it is good that:

-Classes are technically over even though i've been in school every day this week.
-I have pretty amazingly and wonderfully incredible and patient friends who for some strange reason put up with me all the time.
-I have a car (even if it is beginning to actually fall apart now)
-I have a pretty amazingly and wonderfully incredible and patient boyfriend who also for some strange reason puts up with me.
-I feel like i should have more on the list of positives...ok, let's just assume that "all that stuff i take for granted" is on this list too.

This week has been weird. It's school-finals limbo. And, as usual, I am minimally motivated to study. Can I start calling this senioritis? Oh dear lord i think i just called myself a senior...nevermind. Tomorrow will be more productive--I'll go to the American review session, study, perhaps buy a certain birthday present, and then go to the "We are so fortunate" dinner organized by Lianna's mother for me, my parents my six friends, and their parents. Apparently our parents are "so fortunate" to have such good children. I know this is terrible, but...it makes me uncomfortable. I'm not that special and I feel like I all of a sudden I might let that slip and ruin the whole thing because my parents will realize they aren't really that fortunate because in truth I screw up an awful lot. Is that terrible? Oh well. It'll be fun...

Bahamas. That is what I've decided on. *closes eyes and imagines really really hard*

Fuck it. Just Fuck it.

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 23:43:08 GMT

Sometimes people leave you....

That was playing on itunes right that second....this is weird....just really weird and hard and utterly understated and impossible to put in words. Sometimes words are so ridiculously useless....I was just slapped in the face with a ton of bricks and crushed into a million pieces into a heap of smoldering histrionics on the floor of the lecture hall...how dramatic, eh? Fitting.

Stupid livejournal is cooperating with me so I won't do an lj cut because I don't have the patience at the moment.

Mrs. Warren is leaving Briarcliff. I can't believe it--it sinks in a little more every now and then, but I still think I haven't quite realized it. I certainly never, ever, expected it. I can't really talk about what happened when she told us, and the next hour or so the die-hard chorus/drama class members spent huddled together crying. It really doesn't sound like it should be a big deal, right? It's so hard to make anyone understand how one singular event can mean so much, but saidd events always mean a lot to me. There really are no "isolated events." Especially this. She is basically why I got started in music and theater. Or if she's not, then she certainly has helped and encouraged me an impossible amount along the way. And taught me SO MUCH of what I know. And forced me to learn so many really hard lessons that mad me miserable, but made me learn so much and come to terms with a lot about myself. That sounds so trite but it's not!! For example---I was slightly bitter (ok maybe more than slightly....) about not having a huge part in Oliver (or in Joseph for that matter) but I swallowed my ego and did it anyway, and learned that I do not pursue theater for me and my ego alone, but to be part of a ensemble and because I just happen to love it. In short, she and the things she has done have shaped my life for the past few years. Have helped make me who I am. Have been part of incredible experinces. This only begins to describe; I'm barely scratching the surface here. It's so frustrating that I can't put it into words in a way that anyone else will understand....

Moreover, what the hell is going to happen to BHS performing arts next year? How are they ever going to find a replacement that can do as much as she did? I don't think we ever appreciated the hours and hours and hours (and hours and hours) she put into the shows here. Even if they do (by some miracle) find a chorus teacher that can also direct, they won't be as creative and talented. And they won't try to include everyone--even though I hated that before, now I realize how remarkable it was. I can't bring myself to think about the fact that we might not have a Fall Drama next year. And if I think about the musical....I'll cry again. It might come down to the seniors (dear god that's me....) directing. It's quite an oppurtunity if it comes to that, but still....is it worth it? I have to look for what good can grow out if this little pit we're in right now....that's what I do....the eternal optimist. Right now I feel like saying fuck it. No amount of optimism will make it the same.

Yes, we need to do something for her. But I can't think of anything that wouldn't seem insignificant compared to everything that we've been through in the past 6 years....I'm don't think I will fathom the whole thing until next year....I can't really be a senior can I?

Everything's not lost...

(also playing on itunes....)

How ironic that I suddenly feel I can relate Sunday to so much in my life right now. I've been listening to "Move On" and getting teary. It's so fitting. It's ironic that something from a show that LVP did could apply so well to Mrs. Warren. Well, music is a unifying force I guess.

P.S. I love comments, but if you chose to comment on this entry....be careful what you say. I'm really really sensitive right now.

A Lovely Day

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 02:03:43 GMT

The right answer always presents itself to me; I'm glad that today it presented itself before the fact.

I'm really glad I decided NOT to take the ACTs today. I honestly did not feel like it. I did not feel like getting up at 6 and going to the Bronx (don't ask) to take a 4 hour test that I haven't studied for, regardless of the fact that I already paid for it and I don't have to send the score to colleges if I do poorly. Sometimes you just have to do what you want. Intuition is there to be put to use, right? This was my day instead:

I went to my regularly scheduled voice lesson, which was really nice because I haven't had a voice lesson or spoken much to Dominique what with this frenzied haze I've been in for the past few weeks. We spend what was probably much too much time chatting, about last weekend's performance (!!!! I'll come up with some good superlatives and get back to that subject later...) about my (hopefully) visiting London this summer and how I should take a lesson from her wonderful gay musician friends, about my college plans, about my forgetting to tell her that I have a boyfriend (oops), and lots o other stuff. And it felt good to be singing again, and it was all.Very. Good. Afterwords I was in a particularly cheerful mood and wound up going shopping (with store credit and gift cards!! the best way.) at Target and Borders. Never really been to Target, but was pleasantly surprised. Got a little TOO much of a thrill from fervently wandering Borders in search of my official/unofficial summer reading assignments. Blissful. If this makes me a nerd, so be it. Anyhoo, my total for the morning was 2 shirts from Target, and 2 books from Borders. Mmmm.

As planned Dad and I went to Morningside Heights to take a tour of Columbia. (Only my third official college tour...that's probably bad) But, somehow, somebody somewhere along the line screwed up and no tour guide showed up. We didn't feel like waiting. It was 90 frickin degrees. I wasn't really ready to give up on the day though, so Dad and I ended up walking around and having a really nice time. I love college bookstores, as I love all bookstores (nerd! I know, point and laugh) so that was fun. I felt very pseudo intellectual wandering around looking at all the books I want to read....and maybe will read, if I end up going to college there....It's sort of strangely exciting, like exploring what you might learn and who you might become. *sigh* Then we went to this beautiful huge church a few blocks away--St. John the Divine's, I think. But this is my Dad I'm talking about, so it was an archtecture-appreciation thing rather than a spiritual thing. I fell in love with this church though. It was left unfinished, so it has this feeling of utter unpretentiousness, like it's a church for pilgrims, spiritual and non-spiritual alike. Like you can just come in off the street and find something or look for something....which is basically what we did I guess. We gaped at it's monstrousness and it's awe-inspiring physicality. There was this fantastic little "poetry corner,"; they had handwritten poems on the walls and great quotes written in stone on the floor. It was so....I don't know what. But I loved it. For some reason, I just loved everything. I loved talking with my dad. I loved walking around the city; it makes me feel strangely at hom. It was beautiful and peaceful and exciting....

This was really long; I reeealllly should have done an lj cut.....oh well. My journal, I'll do what I want. I'm such a lousy journal keeper. Very erratic. I leave out extremely important things and write about the seemingly mundane. Go figure.

ohhh procrastination make it stoppp....

Tue, 24 May 2005 03:18:00 GMT

I swear, I have the attention span of a moth.

Your #1 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Your #2 Match: ESFP

The Performer You are a natural performer and happiest when you're entertaining others. A great friend, you are generous, fun-loving and optimistic. You love to laugh - and you like almost all people equally. You accept life as it is, and you do your best to make each day fantastic. You would make a good actor, designer, or counselor.

Your #3 Match: ENFJ

The Giver You strive to maintain harmony in relationships, and usually succeed. Articulate and enthusiastic, you are good at making personal connections. Sometimes you idealize relationships too much - and end up being let down. You find the most energy and comfort in social situations ... where you shine. You would make a good writer, human resources director, or psychologist.

Your #4 Match: ENTP

The Visionary You are charming, outgoing, friendly. You make a good first impression. You possess good negotiating skills and can convince anyone of anything. Happy to be the center of attention, you love to tell stories and show off. You're very clever, but not disciplined enough to do well in structured environments. You would make a great entrpreneur, marketing executive, or actor.

Your #5 Match: INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?

Whew. That was fun. Now I should stop pretending I have no work to do.

: P

Mon, 23 May 2005 02:13:58 GMT

Well.

Prom was fantastic. Spent the rest of the weekend recovering and have done very little else, teehee. I feel like the evening merits a big long entry but I am not in the mood right now...perhaps tomorrow.

I have to go to school tomorrow. Not cool.

crazycrazycrazy

Fri, 20 May 2005 02:45:52 GMT

Yipee!!

Prom is tomorrow night. I'm psyched. The beauty of going to prom as a junior is that it can be tons of fun but it also can be totally catastrophic and it doesn't matter much at all because senior prom is the only thing that really counts, hehe. Know what I mean? I'm just looking forward to the craziness of it all.

HELEN HAYES NOMINATIONS ARE OUT!! 17 freakin nominations. Check it out, I couldn't believe it. I'm so proud of everyone!!

:-)

Battling Junioritis

Tue, 17 May 2005 02:08:19 GMT

I am tired

I've been a busy little freak all afternoon doing the crapload of work I suddenly have. I'm not sure if I understand physics. Spanish is a pain in the ass. ACTs are also a pain--apparently I don't understand english very well....grrr. School is getting on my nerves juuuust a little.

This weekend was quite fun, and made me happy in many many ways...Rehearsal went ok yesterday...hopefully things pick up a lot tomorrow...it just occurred to me how soon the show is, eep! And incidentally, it occurred to me that I will be buying the gifts for Adam and Pat and Marcus. Seriously, ideas anyone? And I have very limited time to do this, what with all the rehearsal and other random craziness in my life...eep!

I'm still tired, probably too tired to start a mini-rant about camerata.

Night.

:P

Ladeedaaa....

Thu, 12 May 2005 22:24:48 GMT

I have a few minutes before I have to go pick up Liz at the train station, and I reeeaaallly don't feel like getting a headstart on that Spanish essay due next week. *sigh* Another delightfully boring day. Apparently many of my teachers don't feel like coming to school either....It was too nice a day to concentrate anyway.

YAY I'M GOING TO SIX FLAGS TOMORROW

YAY I'M GOING TO SEE JACK JOHNSON ON SEPTEMBER 14TH

On a completely different note....
Why is prom so terrifically complicated? First of all, I'm SO bummed Susan is no longer in our limo, for 2 reasons: First and foremost, I LOOOVE Susan and the 3 of us (she, Emily and I) can't not have fun when we're together. Second, this drives up the limo price just a wee bit. (Or more than a wee, we'll find out.) This is in addition to the $135 ticket price (!!!!!) and the dress and all the other crap I totally didn't intend to buy. This was supposed to be a veeery low-maintenence prom; I was going to wear my sister's dress, my old heels, do my own hair, etc. But I had to go fall in love with a dress that does not match any of my shoes or bags or incidentally, my hair. Ack. And I just found out that you have to sit with the people in your limo for dinner (they serve food--crazy, I know), which is fun but also kinda sucks because that means I won't be with Aileen and Peter and Joey. And then the whole after prom business...

Oops, gotta go get Liz from the train

Boreder than Bored because I have no work what universe am I in?!?!?!

Tue, 10 May 2005 19:05:02 GMT

1) I spent 6th and 7th period today doing nothing. Well, ok in English we had to write a poem but then I had nothing to do for the other 38 minutes and 30 seconds. I HATE DOING NOTHING IT WAS SO WEIRD!!
2) Allergies are a bitch. Stupid male trees pollinating everywhere....*achoo*
3) Am still glowing a bit from the good news yesterday, but maintaining modest exterior (hehehe)
4) Drama is muy muy fun now that we are finally doing stuff (FINALLY). We sat outside today and I did my presentation thing....I think it went well...Mrs. Warren was smiling and I got to gush on and on about my sentimentalness (sentimentality? sentimentalosity?) .... and Drama Mamas rock. So much.
5) Can't decide if I really like listing things or if I just can't stop
6) Rehearsal tonight for Sunday :) Speaking of which, I was planning on selling ads right now, seeing as I have pretty much no work tonight--again. I need to get on that.

Go and have some fun, it's spring dammit!!

Wahoo!

I've got a singular Impression....

Mon, 09 May 2005 20:39:45 GMT

Wahoo!! Yay, my triumphant return to online journal...ism. (At Leah's request, obviously...heehee) In the last month:
1) My computer decided that it was spending too much time with me to remain completely (well, relatively) sane and finally went berserk. I won't attempt to explain what is wrong with it...except that it is very annoying and now I have to use my sister's computer. (Which is part of the reason I haven't updated in century or 2) I should be ordering my snazzy new laptop in...oh, any day now.
2)I have successfully taken two more AP exams!! (I know, those of you who took many more than that are giving the screen a pissed off glare) They weren't that bad. But I don't care because it's over and now I have 2 classes in which I'll be doing barely anything...mehehe
3) My ipod, too, decided that I was a bad influence on its mental well-being and had a nervous breakdown or something. This wouldn't be so bad except my music files were only backed up on my computer (RIP) which did not have a CD burner with which to further back them up...so, I probably lost all of my precious music (A LOT of music) but I can call Gateway and very calmly and sanely ask about hard drive recovery for berserked computers. MRGHHH
4) Went to NYSSMA...and oh, hell I'll say it. I got 100!! There are no words :D
5) Ok I lied. There are lots of words and lots of exclamation points!!!!! This was a much needed confidence boost. I was really starting to feel that I just haven't been working hard enough and aren't succeeding in the ways I'd envisioned. And I know this is basically just one person's opinion, but I still get that sense of accomplishment. Hehe...when I got the score today the first thing I thought was that it wasn't my score sheet and I was accidentally looking at someone else's and how awful a let down that was...I just kept saying "Is this mine?" for a minute or two...Is that sad? Am I that jaded?

Enough self-congratulatory banter. I'm getting naseous. All the same, today was pretty good, for obvious reasons, and I had 2 subs, 3 free periods. Now I do have some stuff to do, because I actually hve some free time, which is a brand spankin new concept for me, and I plan to spank it. My free time that is.

Peace out y'all.

Ohhhh Yeah!!! My probable prom dress. The website doesn't do it justice, but if you click on it and then zoom in, or look at it on the model... I think it's lovely...I'm not so sure it looks lovely on....

Is it Friday yet? Please?

Wed, 06 Apr 2005 03:30:46 GMT

Pressurepressurepressurepressurepressurepressurewhoooooooshhhhh!!!!!!

My imitation of what the rest of the school year will probably feel like. Yeesh. Hopefully I'm not the only one who feels like everything is going crazy. I don't know where to begin trying to destress myself; there are so many different things to worry about.
-APs are in a month. No, less than that. This is extremely bad news. I am really really really worried that I will completely crack under pressure while taking the English and not be able to finish my essays. The first part is multiple choice and easy and, because I love dissecting language so very much, frankly quite fun. And note my use of anaphora in that sentence--or parentheses?!?! Oh god. The hard part is finishing 3 "well-written" essays (like if they didn't put those words in the instructions you might not do it, being an overachiever in English and all) in 2 hours. That sounds like a lote but IT IS NOT!!! Am feeling very, very stupid. I can't even begin to think about American. I think I may just get the test, chuckle to myself, draw some pretty pictures and hand it back.
-Oh dear quarter grades are in by Wednesday. Horror of horrors. I know I did abyssmally in math because of the last test (speaking of horrors, I don't feel like getting into it) I am farily certain that I did not do well in Spanish because I cannot speak or write in Spanish very well period, I have a beautiful beautiful grade in English, I fear terribly for my American grade because Ms. Thompson has a ridiculously arbitrary grading system, and my Physics grade dropped just slightly which is pissing me off. SPeaking of which I have a test tomorrow.BLAHHHH
-WHY MUST EVERYONE BRING UP PROM ALL THE TIME? It's so far away...I don't feel like thinking about it and I don't get what the big deal is. How much can you discuss all the little details and stuff? It feels like everyone is talking about it constantly. The best part is the dress, which I want whether or not I decide to go. And....yeah. It's gettin on my nerves. For no apparent reason.
-I still have no idea what to do this summer. I have several options but I don't know exactly what I want and so I can't make any kind of decisions. And now I'm too tired to list everything. Meh. I'll do it tomorrow, along with my English paper, American homework, my lab, etc
-I have been vascillating shamelessy in deciding whether or not I want to do the 24-hour musical at LVP this weekend. I basically am, but I've been having lots of second thoughts and....ahhhh I'm not going to drive myself crazy with it right now.

I could use some kind of pick-me-up, although my luck has turned around considerably since Sunday. *shudder.* I need some sleep, actuallly. I haven't been sleeping well or very much lately. I hate being tired sooooo much. I like being perky and fun.

Yay for wave interference!!

Blackouts and Buddha thoughts

Sun, 03 Apr 2005 06:21:10 GMT

I am so so so so so so tired. I just spent the last several hours babysitting and then another few hours curled up in darkness waiting for the power to go back on after it abruptly abandoned me. At least I had my cell phone and Jon to keep me company and relatively lucid. I have soooo much on my mind about everything in the world but happily it turns out that many of my Live Journal friends have the same stupid stupid stress thingys as I do. (I know, my word choice is really unique, but I think I might be asleep right now). So, I feel a bit better because I no londer think I am some insane anxiety ridden creature from outer space, but I feel a bit less special too. Any space creature, however anxiety ridden, is pretty special. Mmkay it's probably a good idea if I just go to bed now. Thank you friends for being pissed off/stressed out/joyously happy/plain ole wacky.

zzzzzz....

Springtime and the livin is lazy

Thu, 31 Mar 2005 03:00:00 GMT

I must say that I waste time magnificently. I've been home all afternoon and done remarkably little. I have however, spent the last half hour reading my friends page...ok it was maybe longer...Wwhhhyyy? By the way, you people are rather interesting for the extrememly bored. But how is it that I have so little work to do? It's the calm before the storm. Very soon I will be inundated with work again...but hey, not today!! Right? Too nice out. Well, I didn't really go outside much...but I can verify how beautiful it was. It's a good thing it was, otherwise I would have been in an impossibly bad mood today; things were not going my way in general. I can't remember the last time I was so distracted. I don't think there was one class where my mind didn't wander just a little. Maybe my ever-entertaining English class. But seriously, thanks susie. Sometimes I just need someone to tell me to chill out a little. I'm not really chilled yet, but I'd like to think I'm notably cooler. (How I love punning...)

I thought today would be such a good day to get done all the thingys that have been hanging over my head and bugging me and driving slowly crazy...like figuring out what I am going to do this summer. So I'm dawdling online looking for college courses open for high school students, and after an HOUR I got so pissed off at the ineffieciency of the stupid website that I just called one college in particular and discovered hat they don't HAVE any summer courses. GRRRR. I'm giving up hope. And I still have no summer job. I DO NOT want to work at the town camp again. Not interesting + lousy pay = new job. But whaaatt??? I called up the Music Conservatory of Westchester and contacted their Music Therapy Insitute, which I researched last year for a project. I got a couple of voice mails and one nice lady. This seems promising I really, really hope something comes from it. I'm not kidding about losing hope. I want to have fun this summer and I want to learn a lot about SOMETHING. Maybe it's a feeling that I need to make the most of this summer...or something...it's so frustrating, I know what I want, it's just a matter of working out details. Major details. That aren't really details. Whatever. I'm now like 99% certain I'm doing LVP. But I have to fill up the rest of the day...Ohhh my head hurts...

AHHH I forgot to finish my Tri-M speech. Tri-M makes me angry right now. Arrrg.

Tomorrow I should be more productive...oh, but yay I have LVP! And I get to see Jon and this makes me happy and forget about silly little things like schoolwork...

I wish this were a cheerier entry, but as I am rapidly becoming insane, I'm just not feelin it. Or maybe I can't be insane because if I can admit that I am insane than I must be sane enought to recognize my own insanity and therefore not insane. Maybe it's time to go now.

You say "Fascist Octopus" like it's a bad thing!

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 06:25:39 GMT

Oliver was/is/will be awesome. I'm so relieved; she kept referring to Wednesday's show as "sloppy"....ick. It's been a long, exhausting 2 weeks and part of me can't wait to finish but that part of me is profoundly stupid because I will miss it sooo much. This is what high school is about for me, really. And it made me a little sad when I was thinking about how this is what I love so much but I will never be far and away the best or anything like that...but that doesn't really matter because high school is about being young and having fun etc etc...and I am.

Today was sorta crappy pre-Oliver. Once again, I blew a really easy math test by making reeeaaallly dumb mistakes. Grrrr. But the English essay is postponed until Wednesday which is amazing because I was planning to do the whole thing sunday and frankly I have not even started thinking about George Orwell's interpretation of Ghandi's saintliness and human...whatever...argh APs make me crazy. Next week is going to be absolutely INSANE and I am semi-dreading it...I have to miss a physics test on Thursday and I have to miss physics on Wednesday for the Carnegie Hall trip and I don't know when I am going to take that test...first I should actually learn something about magnetism....and I have to pack all my stuff for the Saranac trip on Tuesday because I'll be at Carnegie hall on Wednesday...I hate packing early...blah...then this afternoon was weird and angrifying...you heard me, angrifying! Liz had to take my car to the train station today, but I needed something to drive tonight. So: mom gets home at 4:10, frantic because she's late for an appointment and she says she's going to drop me off in pleasantville to pick up the car. okaaay...So of course she is late and drops me off by the train and I'm just a-wandering around, looking for oh, about a half hour and getting rather pissed off that Liz didn't mention she parked on some obscure sidestreet when I found the car and drove home. Liz called at 6 for some random reason and...well long story short she didn't know I took the car!!! My dearest mother neglected to tell her. Aren't I supposed to be the one with no common sense? So I had to drive back and get her and be late for my call. It's a good thing she called or she would have reported the car stolen....I coulnd't make this stuff up if I tried...But enough complaining...

I love, love, love the cast this year. Let's face it, we have fun. And we put on a helluva show. During intermission had a nice little talk with Peter and Jess Morse and later Aileen and Joey. Got some advice for next year...Joey's one man show is amazing. Only Joey can act out--Fertilization: The Musical--and NOT intend it to be dirty...but it doesn't take much to get me and Aileen in hysterics over some ridiculously crude joke...hehe...Joey almost missed the opening of Act II...

Sheesh it's late...

Oh well

Coffee jelly beans are incredibly delectable.

Jon Foox. You are now in my live journal... :)

Tata you lot!

(Insert something witty please.....)

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 03:48:26 GMT

Someday, I would like to start an entry without describing my state of exhaustion. That day is not today. I will reiterate for the zillionth time today how I got minimal sleep in the early hours of the morning. 4 hours. No fun. I was up trying to be a model student and finish my American homework. I was tremendously satisfied when I finished even though we didn't go over it or have a pop quiz or even get a homework grade. Grr. Yesterday was also Tuesday, which meant LVP and not getting home til almost 10. I'm still loving Sunday. We spent the entire time working on music which wasn't really that tedious it just made me love the score even more. And Marcus is the funniest person ever. But besides that, yesterday was an odd day. I kicked off the day by sleeping late and continued doing lots of other profoundly stupid and ditzy things.

I was trying so hard not to be tired today, but I just didn't feel like myself and I HATE that. But I had an English test that made me sorta happy because it was easy and also because I am I gigantic nerd and sorta kinda really like disecting writing passages like that. Hehe.

And then. And then we did Oliver for staff of the Briarcliff school district and senior citizens of the ATria Home. I sucked. I'm not gonna lie. I was trying really hard, but I was just dead. Dead. And I knocked over a birdcage. Hugely. Iiiick. I am so tired; I really hope this weekend I feel better.

Oohhh I can't wait to sleep...bliss....

As she pretends to be studious....

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 05:00:02 GMT

I have my American History textbook opened up to an extraordinarily interesting section on progressivism.
But I have no intention of reading it at the moment. *sigh*
I am very tired.
I'm in an unreasonably good mood; I'm sure I have a zillion things to worry about and it is a good thing I am so tired because they are not at all lucid at the moment. Beautiful.
I have the best boyfriend ever. Yup, sorry guys, but I am one half of the coolest couple in the universe. (Heehee...we actually tried to have an argument today...we suck at it...but I think when it happens I will just think of today and laugh and be even more infuriating...)
I love semi-colons; they offer endless possibilities.
Spring is almost here!

G'night!

I will not freak out I will not freak out....

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 21:14:35 GMT

All I have to say is this: If you are a junior and you are in Oliver and taking the SATs in 16 hours, GO YOU!! Seriously, how am I doing this? I am tremendously proud of myself for not flipping out and being a total basketcase this week, as I am unfortunately prone to doing. I am tired and periodically cranky but all in all psycologically sound. I wish I weren't so burnt out, but energy wiill come when we're closer to the show. Energy is SOOOO key. (Hint hint Oliver people) I can't wait for tomorrow afternoon when it's over and I can relax for 5 minutes. I need yoga; I wish I had time....I have to be at call soon and do some random stuff...

Why does no one post anymore? Am I unloved or just boring?

Yawn, etc.

Sat, 05 Mar 2005 05:09:54 GMT

This suckes. I just deleted the entire entry I just wrote. ARGHHH. I can't bring myself to reproduce my old entry in all its brilliance. But in sum:

I am tired. Beyond belief. I want to be sleeping and soon will be.
Next week is going to be reeeaaalllly bad. Junior year is a bitch and so am I at the moment.
Oliver looks like a show finally but I am still uneasy about it and I don't know why. Unfortunately, we don't seem to have much of a cast bond. (Yet!) And I am a terrible cast memeber because I am getting to rehearsal late tomorrow and handing in my bio at the 11th hour. Blah.

But...I will now stop whining and get rest and wake up delightful and perky and have lots of energy at rehearsal tomorrow. And then I will go see You Can't Take It With You and be tickled pink I'm sure. Somewhere in there I will finish all my homwork and then some.

It's a Beautiful Plan. Wish me luck.

Many things on my ridiculously tired mind

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 04:21:20 GMT

Ah, hell week. (Ok pre-hell week, whatever, I'll be in school for 22+ hours this weekend as far as I'm concerned that's hell). I should be doing my spanish homework right now because I did not do it earlier at rehearsal (it was too dark...damn lighting) but tomorrow is day 2 so HAH! I refuse. I can't believe how well rehearsal went today. Not only did it actually go by quickly, but I actually felt and saw energy and character and other bee-aa-uu-tii-ful things that compliment musical theater so well. Tech is still a mess; but I have faith. And by no means are we ready to perform yet. But, as always, I'm trying to be optimistic.

I can't believe how little I wrote about the last few days and last weekend and such. I'm a loser and I shall compensate. So yesterday: Yeah, we missed 2 rehearsals in a row and Mrs. Warren was flipping out just a little so yesterday we had a 3-5 run and a 6-10 sitzprobe with the pit orchestra. Eh. We only got through Act I by 5, but for dinner Peter drove Aileen, Devin, Chloe, Aileen, Emily, and me to Pacific Palace for dinner. Chinese food yumyumdelicious...and yeah, that many people really can't fit into a car. But this was quite fun; except when Emily had an allergic-looking reaction to an extremely hot pepper that Devin somehow convinced her to ingest in its entirity. Oh. God. We drove back to school in a state of utter panic because Emily was turning shades of magenta and oddly enough ended up behind Craig's car and of course started waving and shouting at them. Hehe, Peter wouldn't open the sun roof so Aileen and performed our usual rambunctious routine...Aileen gave me one of those I-can't-believe-you-just-said-that looks when I suggested we start sticking "other things" out the window (I guess you had to be there but she knows what I mean...) Heehee, all of us, even Emily made it back alive...too bad the sitzprobe was so disgustingly boring. Bleh.

Tuesday was a SNOW DAY and I was ridiculously happy even though I barely slept at all. My circadian rhythm is screwed up. That is the only possible explanation for my not being able to sleep for extended periods of time. I actually had time to work out for almost an hour, which made me feel happy and reeeeaaaalllly energized. I studied in the morning but by about 1 I was sufficiently bored and decided to go out. Spent a couple hours with Jon :) and then went off to LVP to help Adam with some mailing work before rehearsal. A quietly entertaining afternoon in the LVP office stuffing envelopes with Adam and Pat, then rehearsal, which I felt went well. I love that show.

Sunday and Monday I spent waaaaay too much time studying and doing work and stressing about the SATs. I'm really pissed off at Princeton Review but don't want to explain, grrr. An annoying end to a fun weekend. Saturday was "Movie Night" (I think I wrote about that already...) and Friday was coffee at the Dragonfly and later-- considerable insanity. I got home at around 10:30 and watched TV until I randomly got a call from Pat, who had gone out with Jeff and Jon. This was really funny on its own, but about a half hour later they showed up AT MY HOUSE. I really couldn't believe that they were not drunk. Well, I had to go outside and say hi, right? Hehe, it was reaaaalllly funny...sooo strange; we just sorta drove around briarcliff for a bit and went "sledding." Craziness.

So that leaves me with...today. I am tired. I don't like being tired. I am controlling my annoyance at certain people (Mrs. Warren for not keepig track of my NYSSMA form, Mrs. Thompson for giving me bad grades or proving my stupidity...whichever..., myself for various reasons) Blahhh I have a huuuge English project due a week from Tuesday and I'm so far behind. And of COURSE she had to bring up how this counts for a lot and don't save it for the last minute etc...but it's extremely probably that I will.

I never realized how literal the term "nodding off" is. Because when you are that tired you actually can't help your head just nodding like that because it requires too much energy to hold it up for very long...ah, my astounding deductive abilities. I guess this is hard to understand unless you've ever been up working at 3 AM hunched over a pathetic laptop that you've just "nodded off" on and have probably drooled all over...(that never happened ok sheesh)

Now, may darlings, I plan on hastily doing some homework and maaayybe sleeping... :)

A Brief Reprieve

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 04:32:09 GMT

Hey it's my live journal! Long time no see! Yupyup. Been busy what with vacation and all. I had lots of fun of course.. I probably didn't have to go out as much as I did, but it was fun and in my opinion that is what life is all about. I love being with people, and I know have such awesome friends (and of course an awesome boyfriend). I'm just a happier person when I'm with other people. Even just one other person...I got to go into the city several times, which was of course awesom: Last Friday we saw the gates (fun I guess but so highly overrated they don't deserve capitalization) and went ice skating, got dinner and went to this hystericaly funny improv show in Chelsea. Then back again on Sunday to film for English--and because we couldn't resist making a bit of a scene, we didn't (resist, that is) and thus lay ourselves on the altar of public humiliation and ridicule. But the project was AMAZING and Ms. Mandel wants to show it on the Briarcliff channel. Hey, a compliment's a compliment, right? Saw Jon waaaay too much this week and now am very spoiled by it...*sigh* Caught up with girlfriends on Friday, which was as always entertaining. And I won't get into the random wackiness or the wacky randomness that occurred later that night. THis past weekend went like this: Work, Fun, Work, Etreeeeeme stress and sleep. Anyway..Vacation rehearsals for Oliver went pretty well; hopefully our tech rehearsals this week won't get interrupted by snow...is it possible that I am actually hoping we don't have a snow day tomorrow? Whoa.

I actaully feel reeeaaaallly relaxed. Remember this moment. Write it down. Imprint it in the mind and heart of the public. Shout it from the rooftops. Etcetera. I have sooo much trouble letting myself relax, to the point where I've been having trouble focusing on things like studying and reading and TV and movies because I am so distracted by zillions of things...I know that makes me extremely neurotic...I don't know, I can't explain my mood at the moment, but I don't care. :)

So I enjoyed my little break from rehearsal, even though a spent a good deal of time studying...is it possible to over-stress about the SATs? If it is, I am. I have already forewarned my family of impending excessive bitchiness over the next 2 weeks...

Ah, I never have time or energy to write all of my brilliart thoughts...til next time...

: )

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 03:16:38 GMT

*Sigh* I feel happy. I actually got things done today. I managed to 1)clean my room 2) email lots of places about sets/props/costumes for Sunday 3) follow up on the email I got about essay writing scholarship 4) work out 5) ....I swear there was a fifth one I'll think of it. Oh yeah! I even studied a little in hopes of placating that dreaded standardized test monster that is threatening to consume me and my social life...

I can't wait for vacation.

Oliver has to be performance-ready in 2 weeks. I am terrified/excited. I can't wait for rehearsal next week, oddly enough considering how much I complained about it. YAY!

: )

????

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 01:13:16 GMT

I just need to get this out: BLAAAHHHHHHHHHH
Ok that is not the sound of me vomitting or anything, I an just in an excessively blah mood at the moment and I don't know why. I feel blah. (Even Ms. Mandel commented on my not looking like my "normal happy self." A very random comment; I was feelin fine at the time. But caring I suppose.) I look blah (bad hair day...rain and such). I am all around blah and just to prove it I will admit that I started crying approximately 6 times during A League of Their Own, which I had to watch for English. Well now I sound more depressed than blah...but I'm not, don't worry. I'm stressed and unfocused. Oh well, it's almost vacation. I'm looking forward to friday so much it's almost pathetic, but I want to get out and have lots of fun SO BADLY. Me and a yet undetermined group of other people that includes Lianna and Aileen are going to a comedy club in Chelsea and East of Eighth for dinner...yum. I hope I hope mother doesn't freak out about it...she wasn't thrilled with the idea but I don't know why she would stop me because we've done it several times before...she seems to forget...oh well, it should be lots of fun. Hopefully the show will be good and I will be in a more cheerful and interesting mood, hopefully Lianna will not be nagging (I love her but it happens) hopefully Aileen and Joey(?) will not ditch me to flirt with gay waiters/drag queens or something (once again I love 'em but it happens) and hopefully all catastrophe will be averted. Now that I am sufficiently motivated if not uplifted I feel less like consuming the rest of my valentine's day chocolate in a frenzy of blahness (if you can picure blah being frenzied) and more like doing something productive. Like that lab maybe. Yay Sex and the City is on tonight and I am now determined to finish lab/english questions before 10...

Toodles

Overthinking will kill you

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 02:41:39 GMT

In light of this fact, I have decided not to write anything of importance but instead to provide two amusing but entirely inconsequential tidbits.

This made me laugh out loud, though it hit a little too close to home for comfort.

I love this. Pehaps it is just my satire-saturated brain lately (Thank you AP English) but I think this is a pretty brilliant publication and is my latest obsession. Here's the latest:

http://www.theonion.com/index.php?pre=1

Have fun y'all

Quiz much?

Wed, 09 Feb 2005 04:53:35 GMT

I am in an extreme state of lethargy right now and not so much feeling the need or ability to write things that make sense. Not that that happens much anyways--yesterday's entry was pretty stream-of-conciousnessish. ("No perfect fit" initially referred to colleges--although I did get a pamphlet in the mail saying St. Mary's College could be the perfect fit for me. Ironically, that was the college that good ole Mrs. Jank told me about a few months ago and I promptly dismissed because it is tiny and rural and everybody sails too much. Huh. ) Ok so I am reeeaaaallly close to finsihing this DBQ and really shouldn't write but I found these quizes amusing...and thqy only took me 2 seconds so I can justify them.

I'm not a punk. Graduating by 18 does look doubtful sometimes. I don't think that many people hate me. Especially when they are offering that much for sex. C'mon.

91 on the passion-o-meter...Hot

Me with disgustingly dark circles permanently hanging beneath my eyes due to lack of sleep...Hotter